Narcissists are often thought of as people who are in love with him or herself, but this is not necessarily the case. Narcissists are in love with a made up image of themselves that they attempt to project out into the world in lieu of their true self. Most of the time, their true self is wounded and as such, they have an extraordinary feeling of inadequacy.
This is a terribly sad thing, however, it can also be dangerous and toxic. Narcissists are some of the most complicated individuals to associate with and particularly to have a relationship with. It can be troublesome because oftentimes narcissists are not easily identifiable. Many people find that they are deeply immersed in a relationship with a narcissist before they actually figure it out that their partner is a narcissist.
Narcissists don’t generally carry on in the pompous or bragging way that one would suspect. As a rule, narcissists usually come across as pleasant, alluring and even attractive. They are usually even quite fun to be with at first.
Over time however, as this person’s true narcissistic nature is revealed, things can become increasingly difficult in the relationship. The narcissist can have a profound adverse impact on your well-being. It can feel as if there is never any balance and that you’re Walking on Eggshells. The energy consumed in this type of relationship is immense and draining.
If you suspect you are in a relationship with a narcissist or someone you know is a narcissist, be on the lookout for these 10 often hidden signs. Remember that we all exhibit these behaviors from time to time. That doesn’t mean someone is a narcissist. Rather, true narcissists exhibit several of these behaviors on a chronic and habitual basis while being unaware of how their behavior is impacting those around him or her.
1. Narcissists lack compassion.
When it boils down to everyday living and circumstances, narcissists experience considerable lack of compassion. Note that they very well may appear to be sympathetic. They are familiar with all the right things to say and do so as to appear to be an honorable individual. They likewise might really act sympathetic towards their friends and family. They might likewise get involved in circumstances and appear to be benevolent and caring. After some time however, you will discover that there is an absence of real compassion.
You can also see this in how they treat others in lesser positions or “below” them. For example, waiters and other people in service positions. Likewise, you can observe this in how critical they are to other people’s mistakes.
2. They modify the facts.
Narcissists are known for modifying history in order for it to suit them. They may leave out facts or embellish others to prove their point. You may notice that they change things around in their rendition and it can be quite different from what actually happened.
3. Narcissists manipulate.
Narcissists have this extraordinary apprehension of being rejected or told “no.” You will often find that a narcissist will alter circumstances ahead of time to favor them so that they don’t have to ask a question where the answer might be “no” or where they may be rejected.
4. They see themselves as above the rules.
You will often see narcissists going about as though they are above the standards. They act as if they are special and that the rules should not apply to them. Similarly, you may see them whining about the rules or saying that the rule are dumb. Narcissists believe they are the exception to the rules.
Likewise, narcissists have a sense of entitlement. That things should come to them and be theres for no reason.
5. They are not thick-skinned.
In the event that you need to offend a narcissist, take a shot at criticizing them and observe their reaction. A narcissist will typically have no problem criticizing others but find it exceptionally hard taking same. In the event that a narcissist thinks that they are being judged negatively, they can become highly defensive and reactive. Narcissists work with a hyper-reactive defense framework. The same is true even if a narcissist isn’t being criticized outright, rather they just perceive they are being questioned. Whatever they see as quizzical can set off the narcissist as well.
6. They are highly critical of others.
Narcissists have expectations that others should behave in ways that are unrealistic. Narcissists live in fear of their shortcomings being uncovered. Because of this you will often find them projecting their own inadequacies on others in the form of condemnation and criticism. Part of their disorder is to mask their own inadequacies by drawing attention to the inadequacies of others. If you know someone who is constantly passing judgment or criticizing others, this is a sign of poor self-image and possibly narcissism.
7. Narcissists seek compliments.
As opposed to the given impression, narcissists deep down within do not believe in themselves. They are insecure and have low confidence in themselves – low self-esteem. Deep down, narcissists are exceptionally insecure and hard on themselves. This is the motivation behind why narcissists are so determined to prove their self-worth. Their low self-esteem pushes them to ascend and accomplish things.
You can sort through this by simply noticing whether this individual fishes for compliments. Some narcissists may even go as far as speaking poorly of themselves in order to get someone else to compliment them or contradict their comment.
Then again, it can also be commonplace for narcissists to outwardly praise themselves for their accomplishments or boast about their accomplishments.
8. On the other hand, they may speak highly of themselves.
Owing to their low confidence level, narcissists often speak highly of themselves or make their good deeds known. Their artificially inflated ego is the driving force. You may also hear them say how they would have better handled another’s issue if it were them – a roundabout criticism of another and a way to boast about themselves.
9. Narcissists like to look awesome.
Narcissists are usually well put together. They take time to look great. They are extraordinarily conscious about their looks and the appearance of those close to them. For example, they care about the appearance of their children or spouse – not for the sake of the other person, but for the impression it gives to others about the narcissist himself.
10. They want the “best.”
A Narcissist will demand to have the best of everything – the best house, doctor, beautician, car, golf clubs, equipment, electronics and so on. They have a desire to own what they deem to be the best. This will often include a desire to own highly expensive things. In like manner, they assess what others have and compare their stuff to those of others.
Likewise, they’re continually searching for the next “best” thing. Narcissists are fairly empty inside. Because of this, they have become despondent with their possessions and are frequently disappointed with their accomplishments. What they sought after yesterday is no more enough for them today. You will notice that with many narcissists nothing is ever good enough. They crave the latest things, the better this and the bigger that.
There are many other characteristics of someone with a narcissistic personality disorder. This condition is serious and not to be used lightly or thrown around. If you suspect you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to seek help.